Girl slow fades on a laser designer after a date, then resurfaces for guestlist spots to New Year’s Eve show, and gets upset when he refuses: ‘I told her “Hope you have a great NYE.” she completely crashed out’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Jan 1, 2026 10:00 AM EST

This is just a classic modern-day Romeo and Juliet: A girl slow faded on a guy, ignored his follow-ups, and then came back asking for New Year's Eve guest list spots for her friends and their boyfriends.

I spent a hefty piece of my 20s working in nightlife, so this story comes as no surprise to me. You see, whether we like it or not, we have to admit that when people go out, it brings out some of the most unhinged behaviors. People who are generally well-behaved, polite, and have a general sense of what's socially acceptable during the day just lose it completely when night falls, basically the same as werewolves.  

Nightlife runs on tiny power exchanges dressed up as fun. Some people go out for the music, others just to see who they can get in for free. The guest list has become a kind of social currency, a test of status disguised as friendliness. Once a person has access, they feel chosen. Take that access away, and suddenly you're accused of being cold or controlling. It's amazing how quickly people confuse losing privilege with losing affection.  

Having worked in that world, doing anything from working the door to prompting to managing venues hosting thousands, this entire dynamic feels painfully familiar. People who seem composed during the day can unravel after dark, sometimes within a single text message. Every interaction turns into a small performance of importance. Someone offers kindness, someone mistakes it for a service, and when boundaries appear, it all feels personal. The drinks dull judgment, but the lights make everything feel like a spotlight. No one wants to look like the one left outside.  

This guy didn't reject anyone. He just refused to keep playing a game he never signed up for. He offered closeness, she offered convenience, and when her request stopped working, she called it manipulation. That's how fragile politeness becomes once status enters the picture.  

In nightlife, everything sparkles until someone finds out their name isn't on the list.

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  • Girl slow faded on me, didn’t say yes to a date, and then came to me asking for NYE guest list for her and her friends. I said no.

    Disapproving woman making a thumbs-down gesture, conveying strict and demanding behavior.
    via Vovatol

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Just trying to collect some opinions and adjust my attitude if needed. I (M30) went on a wonderful date with an old acquaintance of mine (F28).
    via E_Snap
  • We explicitly called it a date. It was axe throwing and sushi, and it was great.
    via E_Snap
  • Afterwards, I texted her to thank her for coming out with me, said I had a blast, and that I was really looking forward to seeing her again.
    via E_Snap
  • She simply thanked me for the date. The next day I mentioned that I might be able to guest list her for a big, sold-out, NYE show for which I'm the laser designer.
    via E_Snap
  • She ignored that offer, and slow faded on me as I tried to make conversation over the subsequent few days.
    via E_Snap
  • Stern woman making a thumbs-down gesture, signaling clear dissatisfaction.
    via Vovatol

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • After a few days of no response, I reached out and said something along the lines of "hey, how about we plan a date for the Sunday or Monday after new years?
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  • I'd love to see you again." Admittedly, I was trying to force her hand- I wanted to either know I was being ghosted, for her to accept, or for her to admit that she didn't feel like we clicked.
    via E_Snap
  • Again, I heard nothing for a couple days. Then, yesterday she reached out and told me "Hey I'm not really tryna plan rn cuz I'm focused on work and \\\\ moving in, let's enjoy new years first I was wondering if you had access to some new years tix for \\\\ and her bf, so they could join us I think it's sold out" Being a normal person that takes anything other than an enthusiastic yes as a no, I figured that she was turning me down about the date but still wanted in on the show.
    via E_Snap
  • I think that's tacky as fuck, to be honest. So I told her "Totally get being busy.
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  • I'd be more excited to set aside guest list for someone who was excited to set aside time for me.
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  • Hope you have a great NYE." Well, she completely crashed out. She accused me of trying to own her and control her, told me it was weird that my offer of guest list was connected to dating, and that she thought we were building a friendship.
    via E_Snap
  • Disapproving woman gives a thumbs-down gesture, appearing demanding and authoritative.
    via Vovatol

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • She also told me to "have fun being alone on new years," and left me 4 angry voice mails saying that she still wants guest list.
    via E_Snap
  • I haven't responded. It's not like I didn't expect this in my experience people tend to react this way when using somebody doesn't work out.
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  • And I'm not a simp, so I don't put up with that sort of shit. That being said, am I the asshole here?
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  • I feel like I did everything right, but I just want to make sure.
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  • FocusLeather Just out of curiosity, why would you think that you are the asshole in this situation?
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  • OP E_Snap It's tough to evaluate these situations objectively from the inside. I know for a fact that I have reacted stupidly to being rejected in the past, so I always have some doubt.
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  • Tall-Play-7649 u tried planning a date with someone who'd already slow faded u smh. + next time, dont go axe throwing, drink in a bar is still the best option
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  • OP E_Snap Nah I wasn't trying to plan a date, I was trying to force her hand. I was showing unambiguous interest one last time and definitively putting the ball in her court. If we all committed to doing that, people would be up front and stop slow fading/ghosting. We are not obligated to make ghosting easy for people, and I don't think we should.
    via u/E_Snap
  • viphawaiio Here's a thought experiment. If a random woman reach out to you on your favorite social media platform and ask you to sign her up for this guest list. Would you help her? What if she has no intention of dating you would you still help her if it's yes to those questions then what's the difference now?
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  • OP E_Snap In what world would I answer yes to those questions? I don't guest list randos.
    via u/E_Snap
  • AutoModerator Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the rules of /r/datingadvice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, send us a message. We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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  • EternalMystic You dodged a bullet with that one
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  • Buyer Professional254 she knew what she was doing and just didn't like your response. i don't think you were an asshole in this situation tbh
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  • farrgone9 NTA. She got caught and threw it back on you to make herself feel better. It wasnt said that the date was reliant on the tickets, but its implied when you literally just went on a date and you have been showing lots of interest. She had tons of time to set the record straight and say she just wanted to be friends, but it seems last minute and no plans for New Years made her think she could use you to get tickets then let you down in the New Year so she doesnt seem like an asshole. Your
    via u/farrgone9
  • Kir-ius She's gaslighting and only wants favors. Really doesn't care about you. Even if you guest listed her in she'd likely just ignore you at the event
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  • RD_in_Berlin Ha, absolutely NTA. I love how people can gaslight and treat people like crap and suddenly come back asking for the benefits they effectively gave up when they ghosted you or messed you around. If there's something we all need to do collectively in 2026 is show these ghosters and users they either put in the effort or can walk. Good on you for putting your foot down. So funny to watch these people who never get a no in their life crash out. Of course the guestlist was attached to da
    via u/RD_in_Berlin
  • DarkR124 Nope, sounds fine to me. Her not wanting to date/see you is perfectly okay but she doesn't get to turn around and use you for benefits/favours either.
    via u/DarkR124

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first date dating fails new years new years eve advice Party lasers red flag dating entitled people
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